W. Bradford Swift: Life on Purpose: Six Passages to an Inspired Life
The first how-to manual to take individuals from confusion to clarity about life’s greatest question, Life on Purpose: Six Passages to An Inspired Life (EliteBooks, 2007).
GREGG MICHAEL LEVOY: Callings : Finding and Following an Authentic Life
Not only inspirational but poetic in the process. Worth reading then reading again.
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Well, you know the old saying, a picture is worth a thousand words. If that's true I wonder how many words a video is worth.
This short video captures very well what I've dedicated my life to. I hope you enjoy it.
I was recently interviewed by Mark Michael Lewis of Money, Mission & Meaning on the subject of... well, of course, living on purpose. What a synergistic experience. Not only did I have the opportunity to spread the word about a topic I'm obscenely passionate about, but I also discovered a great podcast with many other interesting topics.
*** Observe the Energy/Emotion Accompanying Your Thoughts ***
Consider that our emotional states have attractive properties of differing degrees. Gratitude, being closely akin to Universal Love, has a strong attractive property, so the more grateful we are the more effective we become in attracting what we truly desire into our lives. So, don’t just think grateful thoughts, feel the emotion of gratitude, appreciation and love to supercharge your ability to attract what you want into your life.
Again, this may take some practice since complaining about what we don’t like about our life is such a common practice in our life that many of our relationships are built upon it. For example, several years ago my wife, Ann, had a “good friend” who she would meet with for lunch on a regular basis. As Ann continued along her own spiritual and personal development path, she began to realize these regular lunch meetings were really just an opportunity for the two of them to complain about their lives, especially about how the men in their lives mistreated them.
Since Ann was committed to move beyond complaining and to consciously take responsibility for creating her life, it wasn’t long before she realized that she and her friend had little in common, so she lovingly let go of the relationship, thus opening the way for new, more empowering and life enhancing relationships to fill the void.
Other powerful and positive emotions that can supercharge your ability to attract abundance in your life and that are closely akin to gratitude include passion, enthusiasm, playfulness and joy. Infuse each and every day with healthy servings of these emotions and you will find an increasing amount of things to add to your gratitude list.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to complain and how little positive results come from it, especially if you remain stuck in it? Complaining is a favorite practice of the fear, lack and struggle-based Inherited Purpose. The more we complain the more we allow the Inherited Purpose to shape our life.
However, we can use the contrast that we experience that often leads to complaining as a pivot point rather than continuing to wallow in our upset. A powerful antidote to complaining is being grounded in gratitude. When we look at what we are grateful for, we pivot from the fear, lack and struggle of the Inherited Purpose and begin to move into the pace of Universal Love, abundance and flow. In fact, with a little practice we can minimize the need to complain and in many cases start by being grounded in gratitude.
For example, recently Ann and I viewed a documentary about electric cars and realized that owning such a vehicle would be consistent with our value to be as Earth friendly as possible. At the same time we’re not ready to simply rush out and trade in our van and Mercedes that’s sitting in our driveway.
Now, it would be easy and fairly natural for me to begin to find fault with our current vehicles, and of course, it wouldn’t take anytime before I’d be complaining about them. You might even say that it’s human nature to have to find fault with something that we’re no longer interested in having in our life as a way to justify wanting something else. And the more we want something else, the stronger the tendency to complain about what we presently have.
But an important part of the “mindful” of “mindful abundance” is catching those tendencies that really don’t serve us, and minimizing their effects. So, instead of complaining about the fact that my Mercedes only gets 20 miles to the gallon instead of some of the hybrids that are getting 50-plus miles per gallon, or an electric car that doesn’t even use gasoline, I can be grateful that my Mercedes gets 20 miles per gallon instead of 10 miles per gallon like some SUV’s. I can also be grateful that it has given me a dependable, comfortable ride and without any car payment since purchasing and paying cash.
So, the principle is simple – be grateful for “what is” as well as for what’s on its way.
*** Observe the Energy/Emotion Accompanying Your Thoughts *** (Coming in a couple of days, so be sure to check back).
*** Observe the Energy/Emotion Accompanying Your Thoughts *** (Coming in a couple of days, so be sure to check back).
Consider that our emotional states have attractive properties of differing degrees. Gratitude, being closely akin to Universal Love, has a strong attractive property, so the more grateful we are the more effective we become in attracting what we truly desire into our lives. So, don’t just think grateful thoughts, feel the emotion of gratitude, appreciation and love to supercharge your ability to attract what you want into your life.
Again, this may take some practice since complaining about what we don’t like about our life is such a common practice in our life that many of our relationships are built upon it. For example, several years ago my wife, Ann, had a “good friend” who she would meet with for lunch on a regular basis. As Ann continued along her own spiritual and personal development path, she began to realize these regular lunch meetings were really just an opportunity for the two of them to complain about their lives, especially about how the men in their lives mistreated them.
Since Ann was committed to move beyond complaining and to consciously take responsibility for creating her life, it wasn’t long before she realized that she and her friend had little in common, so she lovingly let go of the relationship, thus opening the way for new, more empowering and life enhancing relationships to fill the void.
Other powerful and positive emotions that can supercharge your ability to attract abundance in your life and that are closely akin to gratitude include passion, enthusiasm, playfulness and joy. Infuse each and every day with healthy servings of these emotions and you will find an increasing amount of things to add to your gratitude list.
You may recall, that I was recently interviewed by Dave Carpenter of Exceptional Wisdom Radio. Well, I chatted with him again recently and he introduced me to EW's most recent "Purpose Projects - Wisdom Cards on such topics as:
Purpose of Life
Success
Dreams
Goals
Choices
Challenges
Perseverance
Attitude
Peace
Yes, Purpose of Life is number 1. No wonder Dave and I get along so well.
Their eCard Memberships are also Free and include a personal address book, reminders, eCard history, favorites, and more. You do not have to sign up to simply send an eCard.
Check out these Wisdom E-Cards.
I'm thrilled to share the following information about a major recognition of my book:
Becomes Award-Winning Finalist in the Self Improvement: Motivational
Category Of the National Best Books 2007 Awards
November 13, 2007, Flat Rock, NC – Life on Purpose: Six Passages to an Inspired Life (Elite Books) took the world by storm for it’s reinvention of the concept of life purpose when it was released this summer and now, it has been recognized nationally as a Best Book by USA Book News. The first and only how-to manual to uncover one’s reason for being, Life on Purpose by Dr. Brad Swift, has just become an award-winning finalist in the self improvement: motivational category of the 4th Annual National Best Books 2007 Awards. Winners, which included the likes of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (Simon & Schuster - Atria Books), were announced on November 1, 2007.
USA Books News is the premiere online magazine and review website providing coverage for books from both mainstream and independent publishers to the world online community. Winners and finalists traversed the publishing landscape: Simon & Schuster, Penguin-Putnam, HarperCollins, Random House, McGraw-Hill, Houghton Mifflin Co., John Wiley & Sons & hundreds of independent titles contributed to this year’s outstanding BBA competition.
Based in Flat Rock, Swift is the country’s leading authority on personal life purpose. He has been a Life On Purpose Coach for over 12 years and is the founder of the Life On Purpose Institute (www.lifeonpurpose.com), an organization dedicated to offering spiritual growth programs, retreats, an online series and special reports for individuals and coaches. His one-on-one work, thought-provoking articles and speaking engagements have touched and transformed millions.
# # #
Press Contact: Carol Arnold, Arnold Communications, (877) 718-4604 x2, carol@arnoldcomm.com
We finish out our interview with Bo Lozoff, founder of the Human Kindness Foundation with these questions:
I understand that you and Sita don't view marriage as a relationship, a concept that flies in the face of our cultural view. What is a marriage if not a relationship?
Marriage is a union, a single entity, while a relationship exists between two separate individuals. The great problem in our culture is that the idea of getting married and maintaining separate identities is considered a healthy view. Yet the only way that marriage can really work is if we realize that the act of getting married fundamentally and forever changes us. We are one part of a committed couple. That's the reason we wear a ring, so that everywhere we go people can recognize at a glance that we are not representing only ourselves. In the ancient Hindu tradition, the bride and groom poured their "birth fires" into one clay vessel. The resulting fire is a new, inseparable entity.
Lots of other things can be defined as relationships, but marriage is a merging of two fires into one, a mystical union. We don't know exactly what we're going to be like on the other side, but we have to be open to never being the same again as we were when we were single. You can love your home, you can love the area of the world that you live in, but by putting the ring on your finger your are saying, "This above all else is my reference point, this union."
As long as I'm married to Sita, I don't care where I am. I could be in Alaska flipping burgers it wouldn't matter. The same goes for our son, Josh. In fact, early on we were in California but Josh decided that he hated school there, so we moved back to North Carolina.
There is an old biblical passage that states, "No greater love hath man than laying down his life for his fellow man." The cult of individualism that we have fallen into in America is so strong at this point that we cant seem to fathom the meaning of this passage. We seem to think that the only important thing is individual success. If your kids stand in the way, too bad. If your husband stands in the way, leave him. Your personal success is all that's important. If it breaks the heart of your whole family, hey, they've got to understand. Let them get counseling.
I don't mean to imply that those who get divorced are failures. My point is that divorce is part of a widespread cultural phenomenon thats very much supported and rarely questioned in our society.
People often speak about "healthy divorce." But the truth is that divorce is tough on everyone involved. Divorce distorts children's perceptions of love, loyalty and even the sacred language of the marriage vows. But perhaps worst of all, it fuels our obsession with individualism by affirming that neither wife, nor husband, nor children, nor family life should stand in the way of what we like to call our personal happiness.
When His Holiness the Dalai Lama says, "Perhaps in some cases a marriage must end, but when there are children involved divorce should be unthinkable," he, too, is speaking in favor of personal happiness, not against it. He is not asking us to stay together in loveless marriages. He is reminding us of a deeper kind of happiness that comes from honoring ones commitments. He is exhorting us to devote ourselves to each other once again, to rediscover whatever wonderful qualities we once saw in our beloved other, to sacrifice our self-centered conflicts and ambitions in order to create that most essential component of civilization: family life. What greater achievement is there than raising happy, secure children?
Love is the ground of all reality. Love is what enlightenment feels like. Enlightenment is not an accomplishment; it's better described by the word realization. If I say I am self-realized, I have realized a truth. That doesn't mean I have accomplished or attained something that you haven't. Its more like this: You and I are both wearing blue shirts, but Ive just realized I'm wearing one and you haven't yet.
In all the traditions, the overwhelming description of the enlightened or realized state is love, devotion, gratitude. Marriage and family life help us touch love. Not to touch just the romantic love for our spouse, nor just the parental love for our kids, but through romantic and parental love to touch the unconditional love that includes everything and everybody, the love thats universal.
Let me explain by using the example of my son. Every day I say a prayer and offer a blessing of good will to him wherever he may be. When I feel all of my love for him, then Ill say a little prayer along the lines of, "May I love all beings and my son equally." I use this love for my son to trigger that infinitely greater love, not only for him, but for all beings. Ultimately that is the only way that it is really love. It's an impossibility to truly love my son more than I love Charles Manson. I'm either in the state of love or I'm not. True love is a profound, revolutionary force.
You've said you think people should choose carefully before getting married, but how do you know when you've met the right person?
When I talk about being more cautious, I mean reflecting first on your view of marriage. It's good to have a clear idea beforehand and discuss it openly with the one you've fallen in love with. Does it have to be this passionate, chemical Beverly Hills 90210 kind of thing? Or does it have more to do with deep trusting and friendship?
So many marriage books focus on how to keep the passion and romance alive. They are filled with all kinds of degrading techniques for deluding your partner. That's silly because it assumes that your initial passionate infatuation is extremely important. With this orientation, we become afraid that we are failing if we feel the romance sliding. Instead we must ask, "What has meaning for us in this union?" And then, ìIs our partnership deeply connected in this meaning?î Also we must not be afraid to go in the direction opposite of the culture. When it comes to marriage we should be able to say, "We don't have much romance in our life and that's fine."
Sita and I have less and less romance and sentimentality in our marriage and that's great. What a relief! In this way we will eventually reach a point where there is no difference between Sita and me as husband and wife, brother and sister, or best friends. Where we're going is way beyond groping each other's bodies for a few minutes, a few times a week. It's living together as life partners and pursuing truth together.
Are there certain practices that you recommend to build and maintain intimacy in marriage and family life?
The most powerful practice is to forge a simple lifestyle so that both partners are not working their tails off just to pay elaborate mortgages, car payments and so on. Create a life that puts a premium on family time rather than on how the family lives. This allows us to spend a maximum of time being a parent, enjoying life, enjoying music, watching the sun come up and go down. Thats a practice whose mantra is the best things in life are free.
I believe our task is to rediscover our personal responsibility toward the greater world rather than merely toward our private lives. Each of us has a mission to contribute something positive to the world, and we cannot become truly happy if we don't fulfill that mission. In any society, marriage and family life are the most basic units of that mission. A family has the capacity to bring new human beings into the world and raise them in a loving, calm, unselfish environment, and the equally awesome responsibility of helping spouses, parents and family members die in a loving, calm, unselfish environment. Cherishing each other from birth to death is what taps us into the sacredness of family life. It's such a tragedy to allow it to become so degraded that the members of a family hardly even eat meals together, let alone face life's deepest challenges and mysteries together.
Simple living, dedication to service, and daily spiritual practice are my own family's recipe. It's really very simple.
We continue with the interview with Bo Lozoff, founder of the Human Kindness Foundation.
Are you saying that part of what has led to the high divorce rate is that we are not using marriage for the way it was intended?
That's right. Two people fall in love and they get married. For whatever reason -- karma, fate, destiny -- they looked at each other and saw something sparkling, divine. But if you're together long enough your spouse is going to be privy to the worst, ugliest, and pettiest in you. That's why the wedding vow is traditionally "till death do us part, through richer or poorer, through thick or thin, sickness or health." Strong wedding vows were meant to help us stick around long enough to come out on the other side.
If you do stick it out, eventually it begins to dawn on you that marriage can be a sacred tool for helping you transcend conditional love. Your partner has seen not only the best that she fell in love with but also the worst, and she still loves you. And the same is true for you. This is whole love, which allows us to say, "I love you because you are, not because you are good to me. I've seen all of you and I love you." Through our spouse, then, we can seek to touch divine love.
What does one do to stay true to this deeper view?
Most of us are going to grow up, get married, have kids and be householders. Marriage and family life is our way to contribute something wholesome to our culture. Through our relationship with our spouse and our kids we must try to live in a way that personifies everything that is good about connectedness and caring for others. This view is more in tune with the great cultural traditions, which emphasize compassion and sharing over accumulation and personal achievement.
One of the best-selling New Age authors says in his book on creating affluence, "Fulfill every material and non-material desire. Make and spend money lavishly." This is not atypical. Most books of this kind acknowledge the spiritual powers of mind and body but still bundle them all in the service of the small self. Yet the small self can never be satisfied. There is no amount of fulfilling material well being that will give us a sense of connectedness; in fact, it seems that the more we have the harder it is to maintain a sense of connectedness with others. In Joseph Campbell's words, it's the small separate self that is the dragon, the enemy of the hero's journey.
What has been available for you and Sita by staying married for 30 years that isn't available to somebody else who has been married and divorced two or three times over that length of time?
We were talking about the sacred journey and the point in marriage at which you've seen the other in every possible light, the very ugliest and worst and the most evil, as well as the most divine and compassionate. There's no way to do that in a short time.
People who have been married for five years sometimes say, "We know exactly what it's like between you and Sita because it's already like that with us." But there's no way in five years that you can know what it's like to be with somebody for 30 years. There is a gradual deepening and an enlightenment that come over time. The reason that yoga was developed in the first place, thousands of years ago, was so that these holy men and women could stay healthy long enough to reach enlightenment. If you consider marriage a path toward enlightenment, then obviously the longer that we are married, the better our shot at enlightenment at understanding the meaning of the saying, "When one cries, the other tastes salt."
(We'll finish up the interview with Bo in the next day or two. Stay tuned and on purpose.)
BO LOZOFF ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
by
W. Bradford Swift
(While I had the privilege of interviewing Bo for this article years ago, the message and wisdom is timeless, so I hope you find some pearls.)
In this era of staggering divorce rates, it is increasingly rare to meet a couple that got married in the '60s and are still profoundly in love. Bo and Sita Lozoff are living testimony to this possibility.
You don't have to be around them long before you realize that there is something intriguing about this couple. Bo explains that he and Sita don't see themselves as being in a relationship at all; instead, they view the sacred institution of marriage as a merging of two people into one entity. They represent one force in the world, not two. In short, their concept of marriage flies in the face of society's obsession with individualism.
Bo and Sita also operate as one in the business of running the Human Kindness Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting simple living and compassion for others. Bo, 53, is the author and spokesperson, and Sita, 55, makes everything run smoothly. Does this mean she has settled for a subservient role? "The thought is absurd," says Sita. Besides, she adds, "Who says writing books and being better known is more important or more fulfilling than working in the background? We each do what we do best."
The Lozoffs, who live at the Kindness House in Mebane, North Carolina, with their 29-year-old son, Josh, and a small community of foundation workers, have devoted their marriage to the service of others, which Bo claims has allowed them to move beyond romance and sentimentality. Sita agrees. "I think the whole notion of romance is based on not really knowing each other," she says. "That's why it's one of the first things that goes. But I feel we love each other more and are more affectionate than we have ever been."
Since the following interview is with Bo, it's worth noting that Sita likes it that way. As she puts it, "We are both speaking, but Bo has the mouth."
For every two marriages in this country there is one divorce. What do you think has led to this staggering statistic?
Divorce is symptomatic of a profound loss of vision about life -- what we're doing here in the first place, whether there is any purpose to being here other than just "me and mine." Like the bumper sticker "He who dies with the most toys wins" indicates, a lot of people feel that life really isn't about anything. The superficial way many people view marriage and the relative frequency with which they break their vows reflect this.
Marriage is one of the core institutions in our civilization. Wedding ceremonies have always involved the sacred, but these days our marriages are not being lived as though the union were sacred. Marriage seems to be about nothing beyond the two people who are joining together in matrimony. The bride's and groom's families or communities have little to do with it, for example. The process resembles a business deal rather than a sacred ritual.
Marriage is a tool in the service of the spiritual journey, a way of combining forces and helping each other become enlightened. Yet we're using marriage to help us make it through various career moves, and to provide solace in a purposeless and nasty world.
We have only to look at the consequences of this attitude -- the divorce rate, the fatalistic view we have toward married life and life in general -- to see that something is wrong with our basic view of marriage.
(Stay tuned. More on the way.)
No, Iggy is not the brother of Ziggy. Iggy is the name I affectionately use for my Inner Guidance. After all, there are thousands of names for God so why not make up one that resonates. As strange as it may sound, Iggy does this for me because the name reminds me where he lives -- IG -- Inner Guidance. Also, I find the name to be a bit impish and playful, which reminds me that my Inner Guidance doesn’t have to always be so serious and significant.
Naming my source of inner knowing also makes it easier for me to experience a loving and personal relationship. Often during my morning walks when I’m creating my day, I pray to the Universe -- the outer and inner, the physical and metaphysical Universe. But sometimes that’s just too much for me to hold. That’s when I check in with Iggy.
There are many different ways to check in and get a check up from Iggy. Meditation, prayer, journaling, walking meditations, visualization or inner spiritual journeys to Iggy’s home, are just a few that come readily to mind.
The important thing to notice is that checking in with your Inner Guidance takes time. Oh, it doesn’t have to be a lot of time, although you may find that you’ll want to devote more time as you start to realize the many benefits. For many people, simply setting aside 10 to 20 minutes each day is a great start.
As you become more comfortable and as your relationship with Iggy grows, you may want to take him around with you. He’s light weight and takes up no room so it’s easy to do. Then, as you go about your day, check in for some ‘instant guidance.’
My wife recently related this story. She was running errands, one of which included filling the car with gas. As she was doing so she noticed that in the dumpster of the gas station was what appeared to be some pressure treated lumber that was still in good shape.
“Somebody could use those, “ she thought as she finished filling the gas and went to pay. But since she couldn’t think of any use for them, she left them there. Then, the next morning as she stood on our deck gazing at our garden area, she noticed the two strawberry patches. Around the older one we had placed some treated lumber to set up a bed, but there was no lumber around the one we’d recently planted. Immediately, she was reminded of the lumber in the dumpster.
“My intuition (one of her names for Iggy) was trying to tell me to take the lumber,” she recounted to me, “But unfortunately, I wasn’t listening clearly enough.” As she told me this story, it reminded me that one of the easiest and most effective ways to check in with Iggy is to ask questions.
Noticing things in our lives like the lumber in the dumpster is a good start. The next step is to check in with Iggy like this: “I know there are no accidents in the Universe. I realize that someone could use this lumber. Who do I know that could use it? In what way might I use it? How else could this lumber be used for the highest good of all?”
Try it this week. Experience the joy of a life with Iggy.
(From the forthcoming Spiral of Fulfillment: Living an Inspired Life of Service, Simplicity and Spiritual Serenity, book two of the Life On Purpose Book Series.)
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