Living & Working On Purpose

Life is, Oh, So Precious -- A Tribute to R. B.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.
Words by Cecil F. Alexander

Life is, oh, so precious, and nothing brings that in sharper perspective then the death of a loved one.  Now, least you think my wife or daughter has passed, let me assure you they are well, though saddened as I am by the tragic death of R. B., our beloved cat of 3 years.  You may recall or would like to read of his miracle recovery a couple years ago.

Our family disagreed as to what R. B. actually stood for.  I said it was short for Rocket Bullet, Ann and Amber claim it meant Rascal Bullet.  In truth I think they are probably right, for he was both a Rascal and a Bullet, though evidently not fast enough last night in crossing W. Blue Ridge Road, where I found him lying on the side of the road this afternoon.

I'm still in shock about the sudden loss, and shocked as well at how hard it has hit me. Perhaps it's the suddenness of the loss.  I was just starting a bike ride heading towards Carl Sandburg's home just a few blocks away, using the ride to clear my mind, with plan to walk the forest paths behind Sandburg's home to contemplate an approaching meeting with my business coach.

And there suddenly in my path was the crushed body of a cat...but as I approached closer I realized it was not just any cat...not a neighbor's cat, or a stray, but my own.  I stopped my bike and bent down to check more closely, praying that it was someone else's cat, but knowing in my heart that it was R. B.

I called Ann with my cell phone and told her the news, trying to prepare her for something that one simply cannot be prepared for. Still, I thought hearing about it first, before seeing his body might soften the blow just a bit.  From the sound of her anguish sob on the other end of the phone, I doubt it eased the pain much at all.

I realize as I write this that some people reading this might say, 'Hey, wait a minute.  It was just a cat, get over it.'  Well, for me, our pets, be it dogs, cats, birds, fish, iquana, or whatever, are just as hard to lose to death as our human friends and loved ones.  I know for me the amount of love they give and allow us to share with them is unequal.

And yes, I will get over it...time will heal the ripping pain I feel in my heart from the heart strings that have been broken.  Writing this is part of the healing salve.  Remembering R. B. as our 'miracle cat,' and the vivid image of him lying regally on our bed just the other night, as contented as could be as Ann gently rubbed his gray fur...good memories all.  Painful to remember, and yet so important to keep.

R.B. I will cherish those memories and the wonderful lessons you shared with me, including the most recent one -- that life is, oh, so precious, and can be suddenly jerked away, without warning, without any apparent rhyme or reason, at least not one easily discerned by us, mere mortals.  To expand on that lesson, I realized today at a new and deeper level....I will also die, and while I hope and pray that day is far into the future, none of us have any guarantee, so cherish the moment, as well as the memories for life, even at its most difficult, painful, even awful times...yes, even then it is, oh, so precious.

I know not where the spirit of animals go.  I pray it is on to new adventures where love is in bountiful supply.

Purposeful Pondering: I'm Dying -- But Not to Worry

What a way to start off an article -- "I'm dying but not to worry."  Well, it's because as I approach my 60th Birthday I have noticed a new relationship evolving to life and to death.

It started when I heard this past week that Dom DeLuise had died at the age of 75, and for the first time, I counted up the difference between his age and mine. And even though I'm not the greatest at math, it only took me a few minutes to figure out the difference was only 15 years.

And that's when it hit me.  I'm dying.  And so are you, and so is the rest of the world.  The moment we come into this life, with each moment we come closer to our death.  Of course, we don't relate to it like that for much of our life.

I shared with my 17-year old daughter, Amber, my 'first' of counting the difference between Dom's age at death and my current age.  She looked at me like I was from planet Mars, which really is OK.  After all, she's 17, and while there's no guarantee that she'll live for many more decades the odds are in her favor.  Much more in her favor of living another 50, 60, or more years than in my favor that I'll live that much longer.

So, I'm dying, and not to worry.  I'm not worried.  I'm finding I like this new relationship to life and death. I'm so much more appreciative of every minute of the day, even the minutes when something isn't going along with my preferences.  Even those moments are deeply appreciated because they prove to me that I'm still alive even while also being aware that I'm dying.

Now, you might ask what does this have to do with living a life on purpose.  Well, a lot.  Because living a life on purpose is all about enhancing our time here on planet Earth.  While it's not about alleviating all suffering, it is about minimizing the suffering by eliminating that portion which is unnecessary, which I believe is a large portion.

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Is There Suffering On Purpose - Maybe So
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For example, when my mother died about 14 years ago, I moaned her loss for several days, and then to a lesser degree for a few weeks. Truth be told, I wouldn't want to eliminate that process of grieving and letting go.  Again, it helped me to appreciate my life that much more.

One of the most tender moments of my life was the morning I learned the news of my mom's death and I had to inform Amber, who was not quite 3-years old.  I remember the exact room we were in as I bent down to her level and held her on my knee.  I remember, tearing up and struggling with the words, and her small arms surrounding my neck and her soft voice saying, "It's OK, Daddy. It'll be OK."  And how surprised I was that it was she who comforted me instead of the other way around.

No, I wouldn't want to eliminate any of those moments from my memory.

But then there's all the unnecessary worry, struggle and fearful thinking that doesn't add one iota to the quality of our life.  And when I'm present to the fact that I'm dying...that my life here on this physical plane is temporary and fleeting, it puts all that 'stuff' in perspective. Like the book that was so popular a few years ago, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff -- and It's All Small Stuff." 

So, living a life on purpose is about living life so at the end of it, you can look back with a minimum of regret, knowing that you lived a life that was true to your core values, to your vision for what's possible, and true to the essence of who you really are.

It's about knowing that you were the best you you could be, and that you did the best you could, and that your presence in life contributed in some way to the overall life on Earth.  So, let's all celebrate our lives as we draw nearer to whatever is next.

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Your Turn
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What are your thoughts about all this living and dying stuff?  Why not share your thoughts with me and with other purposeful people right here. Share your comments.

Do You Still Think Money is Real?

Recently, I awoke during the night with a strange thought, even for me, even for the time of night it was.  The thought was in the form of a question:  "Is it time to create a new form of money?"  As I laid in bed, drifting in and out of sleep wondering why I'd be asking myself such a question, some other thoughts began to 'percolate'

You see, I'm of the old school.  I still like to carry around cold, hard cash.  I even enjoy carrying around warm, soft cash.  Whether it's coins or bills, I enjoy the illusion these physical totems give me.  Even so, I know money isn't real, not really.

I watch my 17-year old daughter who rarely carries money around with her. Instead, she carries a debit card.  Whenever she needs something she just swipes her card.  She maintains her account on her computer, watching closely that the balance stays above zero.  She probably comes closer to realizing the unreality of money than I do.  I still get caught up in thinking those bills and coins are the money that's so important to so many people especially right now as the government is committed to circulating billions of dollars to 'stimulate the economy.'  Oh by the way, the economy isn't really real either.

I keep watching for the line of Brink's trucks careening down the highway delivering all those billions of dollars.  I read in the newspaper just yesterday, that our small county here in the North Carolina mountains is slated to get $10 million for highway improvements.  Surely, they'll have to deliver that in a armored car, right?

Or will our mayor just swipe the county's debit card? Oh, by the way, there's one other thing that's not real in this whole global economy -- it's the FEAR that has all that unreal money frozen, that's keeping the bills and coins out of our pockets and most of us from swiping are cards for the things we need.

But boy can the media make that fear appear real.  I'd love to see a nightly report on FEAR -- the false evidence appearing as real.  It might just free us up a bit...more so than all the drama that's being showcased.

And now that I've gotten this off my chest, the question I'm left with is this: "If money isn't real, than what is it?"  Come back in a couple of days to learn what percolates to the surface. 

In These Times Remember -- Keep Breathing

I'm writing this blog post as much as a reminder to myself as for anyone else who may read it.  I just spent part of the evening watching the news on CNN. Most of it was about the AIG  bonus scandal and the outrage by the general populace.

Of course, mixed in among that were other news clips about all the political figures trying to pass the blame on to...well, just about anyone else but themselves.

So I watched, then watched, then watched some more, and before I knew it I was feeling pretty down and out, maybe even a bit resigned, and it's been awhile since I've felt anything even close to hopeless, but here I was feeling kinda hopeless.

Then, finally, I remembered the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

So, I took a couple of deep breaths as I turned off the TV.  Some things I can change, but I can't change the greed or corruption that has created this global economic crisis and that continues to occur in the world. And while I can understand the outrage so many are feeling including myself, I believe President Obama hit the nail on the head when he said that it's important that we direct our anger in a productive way by assuring that these inequities do not continue.

And then I remembered another part of the Serenity Prayer I'd never even heard before a couple weeks ago when I looked it up:

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Hardships as the pathway to peace?  How can that be?  Something to ponder, right?  Well, as I did ponder it, I realized that it's pretty easy to be peaceful during, well, peaceful times.  (Even though, a lot of people manage to create a lot of imaginary dramas even then.)  But to stay peaceful and serene during times of hardship.  Well, now that takes a practice -- practice in "living one day at a time, enjoying one more at a time."

And breath.  Just keep breathing.

The "Last" Bastion -- My Relationship to Money and Finance

"Perhaps you are being called upon right now to hold a strong center in your life. The situation into which you are stepping, or feel that you have been thrust, may seem too much for you.  You may know what you are able to do, or you may not.  Perhaps you are being called upon to awaken in yourself some practical ability, to direct the divine power you have felt in a focused, embodied way." From The Sufi Book of Life by Neil Douglas-Klotz

Where does an insight begin?  You know, those 'mega insights' that have the power to transform your life.  Recently, I had such an insight. It sounded like this as it sprang from my mind:

"Your relationship with money is the last bastion."

Now, shortly after that sprang forth, I realized that 'last' might really be 'next' but that's OK either way.  What it meant to me is this.  As I look over my life I realize I've taken a lot of ground in my personal development and spiritual path.

I now know what it take to be in a loving relationship with a woman -- not necessarily with all women, mind you, but with a woman -- my wife, Ann.  It's taken a LOT to get to this point.  Two failed marriages and a long line of other failed relationships.  Hopefully though, I learned a little bit from each one.

I also have taken tremendous ground in creating work that I love, that nurtures my soul, and allows me to contribute to others.  Oh sure, always more ground to cover with this area as with all of them, but great strides have been made.

I also love where I live, I love the relationship I have with my daughter, Amber, I love my ever evolving relationship with the Divine and with mySelf.

Yes, plenty of great ground has been claimed in my close to 60 years on planet Earth.

And then there's MONEY.  And yes, I've taken some ground there as well, and yet....it really does feel like the 'last/next' bastion...the next castle to take.

Even as I write this I feel....exposed and vulnerable.  After all, I'm a Life On Purpose Coach, the founder of Life On Purpose Institute. People pay me big bucks to help them transform their own life, and for several of those people that has included the area of money, finance and other related matters like running profitable enterprises. 

So, in sharing this I feel like I may be exposing myself as a fraud.  Will those people come back and ask for a refund?  And as I write this, I'm freed up a bit to realize that is unlikely. Maybe instead, they'll send me a donation. Even funnier.

So back to the insight.  It hit and hit hard. So much so that I decided to devote my next coaching session to this one area, even though I had 3 other topics I'd planned to address.  The insight was just too strong to ignore.  After all, what would my life be like if or when I took major ground in this area?

It was a good decision on my part because the session with my coach, Mark Silvers, was just what I needed to move from insight into action. I won't try to recreate the whole session but just give you the most salient points.

I prepared for the coaching session by going through a process in Mark's book, Unveiling the Heart of Your Business. In the process, I realized that part of the snarly 'misbelief' I had around money involved 'power.'

A big part of my relationship to money is that money equals power and freedom.  Now, while I don't have a problem with the 'freedom' part, I do have something to work through with 'power.'  You see, in my world, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. 

Of course, I didn't think in those highfalutin words growing up -- the time when all this stuff was formed.  No, I heard: "We may be poor but we're good Christian folk."  And my mind equated that poor = good (Christian), and therefore rich/wealthy = bad/evil/corrupt.

So my relationship to money as been that it's a "necessary evil."  Yes, in today's world it's pretty hard to make it in life without money, so it's necessary, but at the same time it's really evil/bad/corrupting.

Wow, it's a wonder I've ever attracted a dime with that mindset. <G>

And that brings us to the above quote.

Mark pointed out in his gentle way that 'power' is a quality of the Divine. Believe it or not, that was a HUGE revelation for me.  If I made a list of the qualities of the Divine, it would go like this:  love, wisdom, creativity, compassion, joy, contentment, purpose, passion, peace-of-mind, etc.

It would be a long list before I'd get to consider 'power' as a Divine quality.  I'm not sure it would have even made it on the list. After all, power corrupts, or at least that's how it has occurred for most of my life.

So, my coaching assignment was to explore "power" as a quality of the Divine, which led me to The Sufi Book of Life (Mark's a sufi and gave me a copy of this book while I was on retreat with him.)  I looked up the sufi quality of Al-Qadir, and as I've read over the passage over the last several days, this part resonated most strongly:

"Perhaps you are being called upon right now to hold a strong center in your life. The situation into which you are stepping, or feel that you have been thrust, may seem too much for you.  You may know what you are able to do, or you may not.  Perhaps you are being called upon to awaken in yourself some practical ability, to direct the divine power you have felt in a focused, embodied way."

And I've saved the best for now:

"In all cases, this pathway helps us to remember that it is really the One Being working through us that accomplishes what needs to be done."

Is it any surprise that I've experienced one of the most powerful and empowering weeks in recent memory.  I've taken all of this into my meditation time as I've continued the 40-Day Prosperity Plan of John Randolph Price.  The two mesh well together, which just goes to prove that truth is truth no matter who it comes through.

So, I now give myself permission to love money, knowing that I can also be trusted to not 'worship' it or misidentify it as the source of my life, just one of the nice perks of living on purpose. 

There may be more to share about this at a latter date.  For now, I'll just leave it with a few questions and an invitation to anyone who reads this to ponder upon them:

1.  When you're caught up in fear and a sense of lack (what I term having your life shaped by your Inherited Purpose), what is your relationship to money and finance?

2. What relationship could you create with money and finance if you came from a place of Universal Love, a sense of abundance, and a willingness to flow with life?

3. And what would such a shift in perspective make possible in your life?

Purposeful Preparing for Daylight Savings

Believe it or not, here in most of the USA, daylight saving time will begin this coming weekend, the second Sunday of March by 'springing ahead' -- setting our clocks ahead by one hour.

Now I don't know about you, but I detest this time change. I even threatened to not participate this year, then realized being an hour off from everyone else would be simply too challenging in the long run.  So, instead I decided to 'purposefully prepare' for it by starting to retire an hour earlier than usual this next week.

I generally 'turn out my lights' around 11 pm most nights, so I'm going to prepare to turn out the lights at 10 pm instead.  My theory is that by the weekend, it won't be so disruptive to my body to make the 'spring ahead.'

We'll see.  Anyone care to join me?  Let me know how it goes or if you have a better plan...like moving to Arizona where they don't honor daylight savings.

More info on Daylight Savings here.

A Fuel Efficient Mercedes 380 SE? It's all Relative

If you've been following my life on purpose escapades over the last several months you may recall that I have a classic Mercedes 380 SE.  It's the one that I was planning on installing the Water4Gas device to see if it would improve the 17-18 MPG's it gets.

(Who knows, that may still happen but acquiring a great deal on a late model Prius put that particular project on the backburner for now.)

I've had the Mercedes up for sale though I've not put a lot of energy into it, and I guess that's a good thing.  Let me explain. 

We have a young man who's been renting one of our Purposeful Properties from us for the last few years so he'd have a nice place to raise his daughter as a single dad.  He works in construction and we all know what's been happening in that business, so his work has been hit-or-miss over the last several months resulting in his getting behind in his rent.  On top of that his car broke down and he's been forced to drive an old jeep that gets only about 5 miles to a gallon, due to its own mechanical deficiencies.

Which is where the Mercedes comes in and my own life lesson.  When this young man learned that the Mercedes gets 17-18 miles per gallon he remarked that he wished his car got that kind of mileage.  It sure would help his gas bill, which, as you can imagine, was eating him alive.  Suddenly, I realized that this was just one other example of how relative the world is in which we live.

While I'm thinking 17 mpgs is atrocious my friend was envious of it. So, since Ann and I believe in this guy and what he's doing raising his daughter on his own, we decided to loan him the car until he gets his other vehicle fix.  I figure the 'relativity lesson' I learned was worth not having a second car for a few weeks, and besides, the loan is a true expression of my life purpose.

Where could you apply the 'relativity lesson' to your own life?  Care to share about it here?

Academy Awards -- A Night of Acknowledgments

OK, my whole family loves movies. We love going to the Flat Rock Cinema just up the street -- a cinebar type movie house that serves my favorite beer along with reasonably priced food.  We love watching them through DVDs we loan from the library or through Netflix or occasionally from Red Box.

And so, the night of the Academy Awards is kind of special to us as well.  In years past Amber has decorated the house and even set up a our own red carpet.  This year was a bit more low-keyed but still a lot of fun, and in my estimation one of the best Academy Awards ever.

I particularly loved how the actors who had previously won awards acknowledged the nominees so thoroughly and authentically, like welcoming them into a very exclusive brotherhood and sisterhood.

One small matter also stood out to me. It was the gentleman who won an Oscar for a short film.  He said something like, "The last four years of my life has been consumed by this 14 minute movie."  Imagine devoting 4 years for a result that lasts 14 minutes. Pretty amazing.

And I became an even bigger fan of Hugh Jackman as I learned that he's not only a talented actor, but also quite a singer and dancer.  His stand on stage at the end of the opening number with his arms outstretched singing, "I am Wolverine,"  was both hilarious and inspiring.

So here's to Oscar night and all the people who contributed to making it happen, and to the many actors, directors and tech people that give us incredible opportunities to be entertained and often show us our own humanity in the mirror.

Is it Possible to Live Prosperously in Turbulent Times?

Aren't you loving these exciting times we're in? Does that sound strange to even say? Yes, these are, to say the least, interesting times (as in the old Jewish 'curse' - "May you live in interesting times.") but these can also be exhilarating times if we don't get too hung up in the drama of the moment... i.e. all the fear and lack based conversations of the media.

Now, I know, it's tough for a lot of people right now. People are losing their homes and their jobs right and left. Ann and I have a home we're renting to a young single dad trying his best to raise his 5-year old daughter. He is months behind in his rent and it's getting tough right now for him and us. But, I realized the other day that if the bank were to foreclose on the property, Ann and I would lose our investment house...but the young man and his daughter would lose their home. So, we sat down with him and started pulling together to find a way he could stay in the house, and so far, it's working.

So, yes, I realize times are turbulent and troubling for many. And yet, it's also a time we can all prosper as well...if, as our new President keeps saying, we all pull together. This is also an opportune time for many people to shift their perspective on 'prosperity.' In my estimation even the dictionary has it wrong -- "the condition of being successful or thriving ; especially : economic well-being." But what if prosperity is more of a state of mind and heart, more of a state of being than anything directly to do with 'economic well-being." This is one of the points Ann and I will be exploring in the March 10th teleclass, Prosperous Living in Turbulent Times. (Register here.)

If you know people who are struggling, especially who are feeling frustrated, afraid, depressed or hopeless during these times, please let them know of this conversation. It's a free teleclass so people from all over the country and the world can join us.

Hope to meet many of you on Tuesday, March 10, starting at 6:30 pm eastern. In the meantime, 'be well and prosper.'

Intrepid Entrepreneur and Be Who You Really Are

Two items in today's blog post:

Are You an Intrepid Entrepreneur (or Want-to-be?), and

Be Who You Really Are!

In these turbulent and troubling times, many people are realizing that it's time to launch out on their own and build a business that reflects their vision and core values. 

If you're one of these intrepid entrepreneurs or long to be, take a look at the Building Your Business on Purpose with Passion and Play ONLINE Teleseries.  I interviewed 7 of the top experts on how to build a business that has depth, meaning, and purpose while also being profitable - plus a bonus interview --  What is a Business On Purpose -- by yours truly.

Get 8 full length interviews filled with expert advice along with supplemental materials with such purposeful entrepreneurs as Andrea Lee, Isabel Parlett and Suzanne Falter-Barnes plus 5 others at a special introductory price (less than $5 per interview) by Going Here.

OR, receive it as a fr.ee bonus when you purchase either version of the Life On Purpose Home Study Course if you act before Jan. 31st. Offer still includes a Charter Membership to Serenity, our online support community. Together over $200 of extras. Start on the Purposeful Path for this year being your most on purpose year yet by Going Here.

Now, let's see how the world around you and your relationships with others affect your ability to be who you really are.

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LIVING ON PURPOSE: Be Who You Really Are!
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Like it or not we live in a world filled with other people, approximately 6,068,210,060 at latest count. And to a large degree the room we have to be ourselves depends on how the people around us relate to us. Not infrequently our perception of ourselves may not match with their perception. When the mismatch is significant, it can lead to discord and disharmony.

For example, if our perception of ourselves is that we are a loving, caring and compassionate person but if those around us perceive us to be a ruthless, heartless snob, then the room we have to be loving and caring is diminished. In other words we can’t be who we really are — who we’re committed to being.

So to begin the process of expanding the room we have to be ourselves, it’s very useful to find out how we occur for the people around us. Of course this isn’t easy because many times people are reluctant to tell us the truth even when we ask for it. They may be afraid of hurting our feelings, or concerned about the repercussions. Or perhaps they learned from childhood, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” (This is what we Southerners refer to as “Southern nice.”)

Here are some guiding principles in initiating conversations to find out how you occur to others.

1. What’s the point? It’s helpful to start by getting clear on the purpose or intention of the conversation you are about to have. You’re not trying to discover who you really are but instead how your occur for others. This is an important distinction to keep in mind. In other words, you are not looking for the capital “T” type of truth, but the person’s truth, with a small “t.”

2. Contextualize the conversation. As you start the conversation, be sure to give the person a clear idea of what you are doing and why. You might give them a little background as to what led up to your wanting to ask them their true perception of you.

3. Create trust and assure the person. Since you want the person to have the freedom to tell you their truth, you want to create the room for them to be able to do so. You can do this by ensuring them that you won’t take offense by anything they say, nor will you use it against them in the future.

The conversation might go something like this: “I really want you to have the room to tell me the truth as you perceive it. I promise that whatever you say won’t offend me, nor will I allow it to hurt me. You can also count on me to not use it against you in the future or let it interfere with our relationship. It’s really important that you tell me the way it is for you.”

4. Request a balanced response. It will be easier for the person to tell you their truth if you ask for a balanced response. Ask them to tell you what they think works about you; what they feel are your strong suits. Then ask them to share what doesn’t work about you, your weak suits.

5. Listen openly and with a commitment to hear what the person says. One of the ways to listen openly is to listen as though they’re not really talking about you, but simply talking about somebody else that’s like you. In a very real sense, they are. They’re talking about how you occur for them, not necessarily who you really are. Staying unattached in this way will make it easier for you to hear what they say; to contribute to your quest to be who you really are.

6. Use curiosity to explore deeper. If the person shares something that resonates with you or reveals something about you that you didn’t know about yourself, you can use curiosity to dig deeper. Say something like this: “That’s interesting. I’m curious about what you just said. Tell me more.”

7. Authentically acknowledge the person. At the end of the conversation, thank the person for their forthrightness and honesty. If you feel they’re in anyway nervous that they may have been too straight with you, reassure them once more.

8. Don’t get stuck with anything. Try on everything that the person said to see what fits for you and what is useful. Once you begin trying it on, if parts don’t fit, let them go. If you hear similar input from more than one source, pay attention to it, even if it didn’t seem to fit the first time.The insights that can be gleaned from conversations of this kind are nuggets of gold that you can apply in your life to help you grow and develop yourself.

Remember this equation: Insight + Action = Growth and Development

What do you think of today's article?  Do you agree? Disagree? Have a few other pertinent points to make about the topic?  Let's discuss it here. Leave your comments.  Come on now. When I don't hear from you I get lonesome. <G>